36 cute 'i love you' quotes to say what you truly feel

Luscombe is an editor-at-large at fastmeloxicam.com và the tác giả of Marriageology: The Art & Science of Staying Together.

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I Love You is the title of at least 47 songs, 15 albums & 13 movies in the English-language canon. We say & hear it all the fastmeloxicam.com — even if it isn’t directed at anyone in particular. The phrase, or a version thereof, adorns items as tiny as guitar picks and large as bags of dog kibble. Và we get so close to lớn saying it so often! We love Rihanna and Ruth Bader Ginsburg and even Vin Diesel. So much. Yet when it comes khổng lồ actually speaking the words out loud, to lớn another person, whose face we can actually see, people can get squeamish.


Why is that? fastmeloxicam.com put the question khổng lồ some therapists that we — well, that some might say we lượt thích very, very much. Here are some of their theories, và their advice.


Because it really is complicated nowadays

Psychologists have observed that modern relationships vày not follow the bản đồ that used lớn help people guide their way to commitment. People used to meet, go out on a few dates, decide not lớn date anyone else, learn to lớn trust each other, fall in love, say Those Three Words & then either officially partner up & maybe marry, or break up and fall into a deep funk before starting the process all over again. The relationships were more or less linear.

Now, ambiguity is the thing. As a result, people aren’t sure what their relationships are, let alone whether they will last. Maybe you hang out with someone, and perhaps you hook up with them a couple of fastmeloxicam.coms, but you don’t want khổng lồ put a name on it — và there are reasons for this. “I think the ambiguity is motivated,” says Scott Stanley, a research professor in Psychology at the University of Denver. “Simply put, If I don’t make it really clear what I want, I cannot be rejected as deeply. Ambiguity feels protective.” He points to lớn the rise in cohabitation as the ground zero ambiguous relationship: Hey, we’re planning a future together, but that future could be temporary.

Uncertainty makes people feel vulnerable, but it also gives them power. According khổng lồ the mating theory known as the principle of least interest, the person who expresses more ambivalence about the relationship has the most power, because it means the other person has to lớn be the one who does the pursuing.

Once someone has said I love you, they can’t unsay it. They’ve made a declaration as lớn what camp they’re in, whether their love interest feels the same way or not. For some folks, it feels like diving off the high board, naked, in front of the entire school (or office). Maybe it leads to lớn glory, maybe you belly-flop.

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Because of the ’80s

You can say I love you at any age khổng lồ any friend/parent/child/pet, but the classic ILY is lớn a lover. Some psychologists believe that this generation’s belief in that particular relationship has been rocked because their parents were among the generation with the highest rate of divorce, which peaked in the mid-’80s in the U.S. They don’t want khổng lồ go through that trauma again, và they may be still dealing with its emotional aftermath. Plus, they may question their feelings. “People find it more difficult khổng lồ recognize the signs of a healthy relationship,” says Victor Harris, associate professor of Family, Youth and Community Sciences at the University of Florida, because they haven’t seen so many around them. “They don’t have a sense of the red flags they ought lớn be watching out for.”


Partly to inoculate themselves against a relationship going sour, couples are marrying later (28 for women và 30 for men in the U.S.), living together first và using algorithms to lớn increase their chances of finding The Right One. And to provide a bulwark against the ill effects of a breakup, they’re showing more interest in prenups, investing in education và working long hours khổng lồ make sure they can be independent.

Saying I love you to lớn someone is throwing such caution to lớn the winds. It’s committing to lớn something that might not work out in the long run. A new, non-peer-reviewed but plausible study from homes.com suggests that about a third of people between 26 and 40 who are living with their parents are doing so because of love gone wrong. (An earlier study from the Max Planck institute also hinted at this.) For these folks, a declaration of love can seem more like diving off a high bridge, when you’re not sure what’s in the water below.

Because of 30-day returns

All right, maybe not exactly because of 30-day returns, but because of the indecision that makes that practice necessary — và also encourages it. There’s a theory of consumer behavior known as “choice overload,” which suggests that when people have too much choice, the mental effort required to select the exact right option is so great, that they shy away from it altogether. People who are seeking mates in the current era are presented with so many options, the FOMO can be chronic. What if you commit khổng lồ Gregory Peck và then Cary Grant swipes right? (Look ’em up, younglings!)

People don’t want to lớn choose wrong, so they delay making any decision. Saying I love you khổng lồ one potential mate means you cannot say it to another. (Or if you do, you’ve misunderstood the terms of the deal.) “There is no decision without loss,” says psychologist Stan Tatkin, tác giả of We Do: Saying Yes lớn a Relationship of Depth, True Connection & Enduring Love. “When you declare something about yourself lớn the other person, it makes real. It has somatic effect. It’s who you are.” This one is like not being able to lớn decide which is the best diving spot, so you never dive at all.


Because of the I love over-you-ser

There’s always that one exception, the person who says I love you on the third date, or all the fastmeloxicam.com, or lớn everyone. The person who says it when they can’t possibly mean it, right? Then there’s the one who turns around and behaves in a way that suggests the complete opposite. “Be very very afraid of that person,” says Tatkin. If people encounter such a person in a partner, sibling, parent or friend, it can make them allergic to those words. Just as parents can’t name their child after someone they hated at school, nobody wants to lớn be associated with a phrase that once brought them pain, fear, repulsion or some combination of the three. This is lượt thích deciding not lớn dive because you have a morbid fear of water.

Because we haven’t listened khổng lồ this advice

If you’re having trouble saying I love you, there are some workarounds. “Well, you can go into analysis for đôi mươi years,” jokes Tatkin, “or you can just say it.” The key, say therapists, is lớn tell someone you love them without needing a particular response from them, but just because it’s true. You’re making a statement about yourself & your feelings, & that has benefits purely in terms of identity and emotional health. “Every fastmeloxicam.com you you strengthen your sense of self,” says Tatkin. “That’s what people don’t understand.”

It also helps lớn realize that humans have a need lớn love, therapists say, & to avoid meeting that need is khổng lồ eliminate a key part of your humanity. Homo sapiens are herd animals who pair bond. So while it’s risky và dangerous to trust someone with such information (see: principle of least interest, above), it’s also one of the most exhilarating parts of belonging to the species.

“Just be honest và open,” says Harris. “Say ‘This is how I feel; you may not be there yet,’ and if you can trust that that person will safeguard your feelings, that’s a good thing.” There are limits, though. Don’t waste it. Don’t say it to get someone lớn sleep with you or to lớn ward someone off from another suitor. Make sure it’s earned.


It might also help khổng lồ know that studies have shown that men usually say I love you in a relationship before women do, và prefer lớn hear it before they have sex. Women are more circumspect, preferring to hear it said after the couple first has sex, “which more reflects women’s natural và smart response to be more cautious in committing lớn a specific man until really having sized him up,” says Stanley. “Women can still thua kém a lot more than men in making a bad choice.”

But once you jump, you’ll find your way through — and eventually back lớn land. If you simply can’t get the words out, you could always use the method attempted by the young man in British novelist Anthony Burgess’ fictional musical comedy Say it, Cecil. Every fastmeloxicam.com he told someone he loved them, a natural disaster broke out. So he tricked fate by working up to lớn it: “Isle of Man, Isle of Wight, Isle of Capri, Isle of You.”